Lawak Babi

Ada satu cerita, nak dengar tak?

Ceritanya cam ni,

Ada seorang pompuan , masa tu dia sedang berhenti ditepi jalan sambil melihat keadaan keretanya yang kemek. Hari dah nak masuk maghrib, dia menjadi semakin resah. Dah lah jalan tu sempit, lampu jalan tak de pulak.

Tiba-tiba datang sebuah motosikal datang dari arah bertentangan. Dah lah tak pasang lampu, tak pakai topi keledar.. laju pulak tu.. macam pelesit. Perempuan tu apa lagi, dia terus menjerit ” Hoi.. Babiiiiiiiii……. Slow sikit…..”

Bila mendengar laungan perempuan tu, apa lagi, penunggang motosikal tu pun menjerit balas .. “Celaka!!!!! F**k you!!!, Pu**mak kau!!!”..” Bagerooo…” sedap jer cakap babi….”

Selang beberapa saat.. tiba-tiba terdengar satu dentuman yang kuat…. Perempuan tadi berlari ke arah bunyi dentuman tersebut.. Apabila sampai ke sana, kelihatan budak tu terpelanting dalam semak manakala motosikal nya remuk sama sekali.

Rupa-rupanya, dia dah langar babi yang telah dilanggar oleh perempuan tadi.

Moral of the Story : Hoi babi!!!!!!!! slow skit!!!! tu bukanya marah… tapi nak bagi tau jer…. yang ada babi tergolek kat depan…. hehehehehehe

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Surat Seorang Rakyat Malaysia Kepada Perdana Menteri

Kepada Pak Lah… PM kesayangan ku

Saya ingin mengucapkan terima kasih kepada Pak Lah kerana menaikkan harga minyak. Selepas ini apabila harga minyak naik, harga barang yg lain akan naik. Saya akan merubah tabiat saya dari makan ikan kembung yg dah merah mata dan pecah perut kepade ikan kering sahaja. Saya sanggup berkorban untuk UMNO dan BN.

Anak saya yangg seramai 5 orang itu boleh bekerja selepas waktu sekolah untuk membantu keluarga dan meneruskan tradisi menyokong UMNO dan BN. Saya akan merubah bilik-bilik yang ada di rumah saya untuk dijadikan tempat menternak ikan dan menanam sayur secare hidroponik. Saya terpaksa tanam dalam bilik kerana saya duduk dekat rumah flat.

Rebet yang diberikan kepada saya memang melebih dari keperluan saya. Apabila saya congak, saya hanya menggunakan 20 sen saja duit minyak motor sehari. Ada untung 21 sen. Saya tak pakai pon kete sebab bile minyak naik saya kene jual Datsun kotak mancis saya. Dapat gak duit. Anak-anak saya, saya akan suruh eksesais setiap hari dengan berjalan kaki atau naik beskal ke sekolah. Sejauh 5 KM walaupon saya berpendapatan RM 1000, ia terlebih cukup untuk keluarga saya.

Buat permulaan untuk merubah kehidupan saya, saya tidak akan menggunakan gula, tak akan menggunakan tepung untuk buat jempot-jempot. Akan menggantikan beras ngan ubi. Setiap hari saya dan keluarga akan berpuasa (kecuali pade hari hari yg dilarang ajerk). Saya akan buat minyak masak sendiri itu antara care saya merubah hidup.

Ade banyak lagi care semuanya kerana UMNO dan BN. Dan saya ingin meminta Pak Lah supaya menaikkan lagi harga minyak yg ade. Bukan tu ajerk, diminta menaikkan lagi harga tol kerana org sebelah rumah saya nih orang pembangkang. Dia selalu ikut highway, bior padan ngan muke
dia. 

Mungkin Pak Lah boleh melawat saya dan bersedekah kepade saya sehelai kain pelikat dekat-dekat pilihanraya nanti. Insyaallah kain pelikat itu saya akan framekan dan gantung dirumah. Tapi jangan lupa Pak Lah tandatangan yerk..! Jgn lupe Pak Lah, naikkan lagi harga minyak. Jgn turun kan gaji menteri-menteri dan tuan penasihat 25%.

Saya tetap akan menyokong Pak Lah. Akhir kata bior Pak Lah senang, janji kami susah. Hidup UMNO, hidup BN.

Sekian, terima kasih.

p palang s: sampaikan salam saya pada KJ dan Patrik Badawi dan tak lupe gak tuan punya Syarikat Scomi.

pecah kaca, pecah gelas,
sudah baca, harap balas.

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Pengemis jalanan

gambar ni di ambil di Pasar Pagi SS2, Petaling Jaya....mengemis tanpa rasa malu malu....yg aku terperanjat...mamat pengemis nih namenye AJAI...ces...buat malu aku jer....asalnya dr Thailand...Kononnye die nih injured sebab accident mase naik moto 3 tahun dulu...lame sungguh luke mamat nih nak sembuh ye.....kesimpulannya..jgn bagi duit kat org-org cam nih...buat abis duit kite jer....umor mude mude tapi dah mengemis.....lagi teruk drpd binatang....

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Islam Di salah guna????

Gambar diatas nih di ambil di Krabi,Thailand. kat Poda Island di gua  Phra Nang. Gua nih ialah gua persendirian dan menjadi tempat org agama buddha semayang la...tapi yang pelik nyer ade satu sudut yg ade gambar seorg wanita lemngkap berpurdah dengar ayat lazim tertulis di mukanya di situ....yg lebih meghairankan dan terperanjatnya...gambar ini dikelilingi dengan replika replika zakar lelaki yg berwarna warni yg dibuat drpd kayu...Kawasan sama turut dipenuhi pelbagai colok dan lilin berwarna-warni...Satu daripada ayat lazim tertera dengan tulisan berwarna putih.
Apakah sebenarnya berlaku? 
Anda boleh menjangka jawabannya?

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SEPULUH TANDA-TANDA YANG BESAR....

Daripada Huzaifah bin Asid Al-Ghifari ra. berkata:
“Datang kepada kami Rasulullah saw. dan kami pada waktu itu sedang berbincang-bincang. Lalu beliau bersabda: “Apa yang kamu perbincangkan?”. Kami menjawab: “Kami sedang berbincang tentang hari qiamat“. Lalu Nabi saw. bersabda: “Tidak akan terjadi hari qiamat sehingga kamu melihat sebelumnya sepuluh macam tanda-tandanya“. Kemudian beliau menyebutkannya:
1)Asap,
2)Dajjal,
3)Binatang,
4)terbit matahari dari tempat tenggelamnya,
5)turunnya Isa bin Maryam alaihissalam,
6)Yakjuj dan Makjuj,
7)tiga kali gempa bumi, sekali di timur,
8)sekali di barat dan
9)yang ketiga di Semenanjung Arab
10)yang akhir sekali adalah api yang keluar dari arah negeri Yaman yang akan menghalau manusia kepada Padang Mahsyar mereka”.
(H.R. Muslim)

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How to Promote Your Blog

The question has been asked more times then I care to count: “How do I promote my blog?”

My answer: “One post at a time…”

It’s not sexy, it’s not a quick fix, it’s not a secret URL that you submit to and the rest is done for you. I’m sorry - I have no secrets for you - I wish that I did. The only way that I know how to make your blog a success is “one post at a time”. I will say that I think there’s more to this answer than meets the eye. The answer actually consists of two parts – that’s what we’ll look at in this article.

Part 1. - Content Is King, Really?

When the “How do I promote my blog” question is asked in forums it usually doesn’t take long for someone to reply with, “Content is king.” Really? Is content king? All websites have content - even the dancing hamsters is content. I would submit to you that giving people what they want is truly king. If that be content, then have relevant content. If it’s driving directions, then give good directions. If it’s discount prices on jewelry, then have quality jewelry at low prices. If it’s nude pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt then she best not be wearing clothes. And if people want to see dancing hamsters, then give it to them - give the people what they want.

There’s a reason your visitors came to your site. Are you fulfilling their expectations? If people visit your blog one day and you’re talking about PHP coding techniques but the next time they visit your blog you are reviewing the movie you saw over the weekend, you may find yourself having a hard time building a steady core of followers. 

It’s not that you can’t do that with your blog; you can. That’s exactly what I do with my personal blog. I blog about anything I feel like blogging about: movies, music, Jennifer Love Hewitt, whatever. The problem is that blogs like that have no niche to fill. With no niche you have no target audience. That’s ok, if you don’t want expansive audience.

Give people what they want and do it consistently. Being a one-hit-wonder in a band or in blogging is not a good thing. I take that back, being a one-hit-wonder in a band can still make you millions these days, but in blogging it’s no good. Try and have quality content on a regular basis. It doesn’t have to be daily, just on a regular basis. You may decide to post once a week or twice a week, whatever, just be consistent. If you post three times a week for a month then that’s what your audience will come to expect.

I would encourage you to post quality over quantity. Don’t post just for the sake of posting. If everybody else has covered the unveiling of Apple’s iPhone then you may want to let it go. Ask yourself, “What can I bring to the table?” If you can take an angle that you feel hasn’t been covered then by all means, continue, but if you are just going to post a “me too” post, skip it. 

Give people what they want and do it consistently. You do that and people will visit you – and – continue to visit you.

Part 2. – One Post at a Time…

“One post at a time…” I never said that the post had to be on your own blog! Get out there and visit other people’s blogs. Be friendly and comment. I visit about half a dozen blogs a day, I usually comment about four times a day. Again, don’t just post for the sake of posting, have something to say. 

If you’re just going to post something like, “Hello, nice blog, please visit my blog”, then skip it. Try and contribute something to the conversation at hand. If you can’t do that, then maybe you should not be in the business of blogging.

Also, commenting on other blogs is a great way to sharpen your blogging tongue. I often find myself returning to my own blog spurred on by something I read on another blog. I will often comment and then expand upon my comment back in a new post on my own blog. 

It also needs to be said that if you are going to comment for the sole purpose of trying to appease the search engines, you can skip it. Most blogs add the no-follow tag to links there by neutralizing the value of the link to the search engines. So once again, bring something to the table.

There’s no quick fix for promoting your blog. It takes work, good old fashioned blue-collar work. If you like your blog’s topic enough then there’s a good chance you won’t mind putting in the time and it won’t feel like work at all. Making a successful blog starts with one post at a time.

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A Dull Formula 1 Championship

Lewis Hamilton won the 2008 British Grand Prix and with the added incentive of him winning the British grandprix, the press has gone into overdrive labeling with superlatives probably Schumacher could only dream of.

We're fed with British Oriented Media through Sky's sister network Star. I couldn't help wondering, if Kimi had won in similar fashion would there be a single piece of news on Kimi, except that he lead the race and won. But he didn't. Neither did Massa.

So here comes what I've felt for a while this season. Despite all the hype, Hamilton pales in comparison with a Schumacher or a Senna or a Prost or any other great legends as the British press would make you believe. Neither is Kimi or even Alonso. They're all great drivers in their rights, but you don't sense that you're watching something unbelievably spectacular on a consistent basis. Schumacher and Senna provided, Kimi and Alonso would do it once in a while.

If you look back, Schumi arrived in F1 with a bang and with midfield machinery he excelled right from the word go. Some of his driving was labeled unbelievable even by the British press. But of course he started winning, then those comments dried up. In 1996, when Hill and Villeneuve were dueling it out, you always knew that great driver and the class of the field lied in the tractor Ferrari.

I remember a few years ago Alonso describing beating Schumacher as an incredible task where you need get every single aspect correct and be on the limit at all times. Sadly you don't feel the same when you see any of the top runners today.

So while, the Championship is at an interesting juncture with 3 drivers tied, you don't feel half the excitement a Mika-Schumi battles had or the 2005 Alonso-Kimi battle had. It's been a championship filled with "Who will falter next". I feel a Schumacher in his prime would never had made so many mistakes and had so many slip ups.

So while everyone was rubbishing Schumacher, Senna in their primes, the truth of the matter is that F1 fans would love watching drives from mesmeric and genius drivers rather than watch a bunch of faltering drivers fight it out in a close championship. It's always been the case with sports, basketball had it's Michael Jordan, football had Zidane. When you watched these greats you always knew that you were part of something special and probably that comes very rarely.

So as the British press and all hail as Lewis as the next big thing, I feel the real champ lies else where, maybe a Kubica or maybe even Alonso. They seem to be doing more to deserve the merit they receive than any of the championship leaders.

So we might have to wait a few more years till a driver of calibre and tenacity that was synonymous to a Schumacher or Senna or Lauda comes along and truly set alights the championship ring year after year and finally F1 can again claim to have a true Great.

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