Men, Women And PMS ...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

For all its worth, Men and women are very different. One lot shaves the face, the other lot shaves legs. One lot likes the toilet seat up, the other (for some twisted reason) insist they want it down. One lot suffers PMS and the other faces the wrath. PMS makes even the most friendly of women grow two horns, a tail and acquire a new broom to fly on. These are the days of the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he will face hell equal to looking himself in a room full of enthusiastic suicide bombers!

To avoid death OR WORSE these are the rules of engagement for men during PMS.

1) DONT talk to her unless she talked to you. All your answers should start with the word honey.

2) DONT change the TV channel if she is infront of it. It doesn't matter if she is asleep infront of it.

3) DONT ask what's for dinner otherwise it will be your ass for dinner. And no matter what she made, ITS GREAT. It doesn't matter whether it was salt-less pumpkin soup. ITS GREAT!

4) DONT mention PMS at all even by mistake. If you do, you will know why people say it means Psychotic Mood Shift, Pissy Mood Syndrome or Potential Murder Suspect.

5) DONT ask her what she is so worked up about. Trust me, you liked her better the way she was before you said that.

6) YOU are on her side NO MATTER HOW STUPID her argument is. If she tells the waiter the pizza is too round, as far as you are concerned, ITS TOO DAMN ROUND.

7) DONT answer phone calls from any woman unless its your mother and even then, talk to her on loudspeaker. And to be safe, start every sentence with Mother.

8) YOUR DAY WAS GREAT! It doesn't matter if your boss stood on your desk and peed on your head and then invited fellow employees to do the same. YOUR DAY WAS GREAT!

9) UNLESS SHE KISSES YOU, and you are VERY SURE she started it ... and you can feel her tongue in your mouth, DONT TRY TO KISS HER! AND DONT TOUCH ANYTHING ELSE!

10) If you think she is faking PMS, you are signing a death wish. She can fake PMS coz she gets it. You never get so how do you know when she is faking and when she aint? If she says she has PMS, SHE HAS PMS!

And am sure with these few things, you will be safer than most people. Note that I said safer, NOT SAFE. YOU AINT SAFE UNTIL ITS OVER. Try anything else and you will know they called it PMS because mad cow disease was taken.


Turn back your car odometer

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.

The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."

"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."

"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.

About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"

"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."